Excerpts from Attila’s leaving speech from the Therapy Centre (the Rehab):

I arrived at the Ozd Therapy Centre last year, on the 27th of May 2008, after one and a half years of heavy drinking. During that period I lost everything I had, everything I succeeded in gathering during my seven years of abstinence, except my family. I felt lonely, with an empty soul, and burnt out when I entered the door of the Rehab.

After a few days I became familiar with my mentor, who had just recently returned from his sick leave. He seemed to be a stern person at first glance, but I liked the fact he was steady and committed to his work. Then I had discussion sessions with my mentor. I realized that I should become open and honest, otherwise it wouldn't be worth staying, far from my family. It was something new for me to study myself, but I found it interesting. It was the first time in a long time that I found that I could really sleep during the nights, after a deep discussion with my mentor or with the group. Every morning there were shadows under my roommate’s eyes, but I experienced that after sharing my feelings there was a relief in me and I could use my saved energy elsewhere.

In the camp near the Leşu lake (Editor’s note: It is about the Aftercare Summer Camp, which usually the residents of the Therapy Centre also attend.), during the group activities, it became clear to me that I could only find a solution to my present problems and questions if I went back into my childhood. After setting my family statue (Editor’s note: It is a special method in the psychodrama to visualize the relationships between family members by playing symbolically the role of the members.) I was flooded with the repressed feelings from my childhood all at once. Following these signs I could explore the mental damage which basically defined the deficiency of my grown-up personality: the emotional obtuseness, the frustration, the reticent attitude and the total lack of self-confidence. It became evident that I had a deformed self image. So, I had to handle all these, but my stubbornness persisted and protested against it. I started to give attention to my reactions in different situations; I asked for the help of the group and in this way I succeeded in holding myself back in regard to strong language and impatience.

In the meantime I tried to re-arrange my family relationships with my father and my son by writing them letters. It was strange to enter into the role of the father and the son at the same time, but I think this made my empathy grow in both directions. The case with my father became more complicated when I met him at a day off and he let me know that actually he is not my biological, but my foster, father. He accepted me after my mother divorced (from my real father), as this was a demand of family decency and honor. This new information, few days before my 45th birthday, determined the further course of my therapy. In the very first moments the story had absolutely no effect on me. Then I was surprised, later on I was shocked and then I became angry. "Why me?" – I kept on asking myself for more than two months, many times a day. I was perplexed about how to carry on.

And the time came when I had no other choice in my hands than to pray. God showed me the right way. I forgave my father and thanked him that he had never made me feel that I wasn’t his biological son, but he fostered me decently and had good intentions toward me, like a real father. After that we could communicate, we talked over my childhood, and saw that maybe he had more need to talk while I just listened, rather than the other way round. Our relationship has stabilized and we have perhaps more need than ever to pay attention to each other. Of course, I wouldn’t have been capable of carrying this through without my mentor, the whole Rehab staff, the group and my wife who gave me all the support I needed.

During my therapy a conversation started between me and God. He assured me that I did not need to seek any logic or reason for His love and grace, I should just simply accept it. After I realized this, after many services and devotions, I can’t worry as easily as I did before. I trust Him that He will provide what I need and I have experienced that prayer has a power.

Meanwhile group members left and new ones came. During the meetings I heard about recidivist addictions, fears, and also about resumptions. I made many new acquaintances and friends and at one point I noticed that I was happy for this privilege to have so many sober friends and that this could actually happen because of my alcoholism.

I won’t try to become perfect. I have learnt that my abilities are more limited than I thought. I have gotten to know my limits, so now I give myself time if I want to do something, or if I have to make decisions. I will have to change my way of doing things. During the nine-month-therapy program my world-view has changed, my outlook on life is not dominated by the financial matters anymore. One needs money, but there are many things which cannot be bought with cash, like my daughter’s smile, health, the faithfulness of my wife, and happiness. And these are the things which give me reason for an alcohol-free life.

To have a long lasting result, I will definitely use what I have learnt at the Rehab: the planning, the transparency, sharing my feelings, and if I feel that a problem is overwhelming the competence of my family or the support group, I won’t hesitate to ask for help from my mentor. And of course, I will try to stay sober. I won’t forget how much trouble I had in my life because of alcohol. I’m not going to say that I will never drink, but rather: “I won’t drink TODAY”. I will keep an eye on the signs of failure and if necessary, I will ask for help. I will continue my relationship with God, because beside my family, the support group and my mentor, only God can give me real encouragement and comfort.

It was an honor to me that J. was my mentor, who proved to me clearly, after a regrettable tragedy, that he has a strength of character, and there is a way out from all the circumstances, there is a survival without damaging myself. To realize this, I needed humility and the acceptance of grace and to continue to have trust in the reality and power of prayer. I wish you the same things with the well known closing phrase from the television: “We couldn’t have done this program without you”.