It’s hard to believe, but the moment to make my farewell speech has arrived. Nine months have passed and I feel like a student before the final exam. I can’t accept this event as a real farewell, but rather as a phase shift where the score is not important anymore. I want to continue the “old boy” phase outside the protective shield, and then we will see what the future brings.

When I became a resident of the Therapy Centre I was on the floor, both physically and emotionally. I exaggerated with my stupid behavior, cynical attitude, swearing. The group was showing me the mirrors that I have broken one by one. I took it as a provocation and I also provoked everybody who dealt with me. Hatred, anger and revenge defined my life. There were hard times when I didn’t understand anybody, I gave lessons to my mentor and ran from one staff member to the other to justify myself. They listened to me, tried to direct me but I stubbornly stuck to my own position and I could give many strong examples to sustain it, to prove it and to explain it. But I didn’t take into account that in all this I was led by my negative emotions and that my behavior was destructive and anti-social.

Because of my obstinate character I remained in the Center, even though I was fed up many times and wanted to leave. Looking back, during those months I had a hard time, but it was worth it. Now I can recognize my feelings… I have learned to control them. My impulsiveness is almost like an old memory. Now I find developing in me love, compassion and kindness. Thank you, group, for the feedback, for the mirrors, for the patience.

Now I will leave the beehive, but the truth is that I feel really at home only in the Rehab. Therefore, I have to "re-find" myself and create a home for myself in the outside world too. I don’t have great plans or unreachable desires, I don’t have giant dreams. I try to live in the present and keep an eye on my feelings.

I don’t feel anger, rage, hatred and revenge, because I have learned to handle them right away as soon as I observe them. And what I can’t handle, I let go. What I learned from the Rehab is to have faith and also that God has the truth and not me.

I am thankful that I succeeded in changing my character here, as much as I was able, and I could do that only with your help. Thank-you for the persistence, the patience and love that I received from my mentor and the other staff members.

Lots of love, Zsolt